Hello strangers, I've been abit of a ghost recently, but that's not due to me being lazy - but more because I'm actually trying to complete my fashion comm's degree, the second time around.
If you're a regular follower, you'll know that I actually dropped out of university last year, in my final year due to mental health and just not really 'gel-ing' with well, pretty much anything. The people, the coursework, I just wasn't in a right state of mind and it finally caught up with me. After a staff member asking me if I were 'delusional' I decided that I wasn't getting the support I needed and wanted to continue, so I left.
This year however, has been completely different, I'm so glad I decided to drop out and take a year out to reflect on what I needed to change in my life but also, in my mind.
I'm currently working on my final major project, which I swapped to communications, something I'm enjoying much more and my tutors are much nicer and more approachable. The people who study alongside me, are actually super lovely as well, I no longer hold this sort of grudge or fear that people won't or don't like me.. I think this is because it's fresh faces and I don't feel the pressure to form a friendship group, like I did the previous years. I dealt with the fact that
This time, it's all about me and my project, which is just really nice and refreshing. I no longer feel anxious to go into uni, I just get on with it - putting my head down and just trying to get through the last little bit of the journey. I feel like I've grown up and just sort of take everything on the chin.
It's amazing how a change in lifestyle can help with anxiety and confidence.
But I have about a month left, which is actually insane, but also pretty gut-wrenching - what on earth am I going to do afterwards!?? (send help!)
One thing that is bugging me is not spending enough time on my blog or social channels because I'm either doing university work, working, or just trying to catch some down time. So I hate feeling guilty about not putting that effort in, plus all the stress of doing work and trying to actually be an adult.
However, what I learnt about myself was an experience I possibly needed. To admit that I made mistakes, I let myself get too wrapped in things that never really mattered, which has given me a new look on life. Stepping down from uni was was of the hardest things I ever did - feeling like a failure. But I'm excited for that piece of paper to say that I achieved it in the end.
I'm probably going to cry at graduation.. no lie.
Thanks for reading, as always.