the pursuit of happiness

Its been a while. A long while since I've really wrote about anything, wanted to write about anything or even created content and honestly it's because I've been looking long and hard about my life. It's even took some time for me to publish this post (over 4months) as I keep adding and taking away bits and pieces in an attempt to just sort of get this post right. But a few months ago I just realised that I wasn't really happy or fulfilled with my life and things needed to change. I felt like I was just stuck in the middle of a crossroads while everyone else was driving their cars right past me, like a sad little hitchhiker holding her thumb out for someone to rescue her.

It's been great to take a break away from blogging and creating to focus on my life,  I've been standing still for a long time,  thinking I was content sitting on my sofa but it made me unhappy and unfulfilled. Looking back at my previous post, it's clear that I was feeling rather crappy about where not just blogging was headed, but my negative outlook on my life. A black hole in my mind that my work or my soul wasn't good enough.

I was fed up, I felt very alone and I made an impulsive decision to move back home, a safe place where I thought I had left my true self all those years ago. After realising that I was just running away from all my problems I decided to stick it out here in Dorset and make a change.

Before Christmas I tried counselling, but after my initial consultation I just felt like I needed more purpose and direction. The lovely lady I saw explained that she was more there to listen and support, that she couldn't actively help me in my quest to become more productive and achieve the life that I want. So after Christmas, I decided to book a life coach.

And it's been the best thing I've ever done. And yes, I'm that 24 year old who has a life coach... 😂

It is so easy to let negative experiences control your life.. tell you, you aren't good enough or safe enough to accomplish anything you set your mind to. And it's not easy to shine the light on yourself, show the things we should work on and be aware of the things around you. I learnt so much about myself, that I'm not happy with. Sometimes it's easier to point the finger and blame everyone else, than it is to challenge yourself everyday.

I feel like for once I'm finally in charge of my own happiness. All my creative pursuits have taken a small step back for now whilst I've been trying to get a grip on my issues and become the person that I really want to be.

If you're still here and reading this, thank you for your support and I'm so excited to share my new journey with you ❤️

 
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